Talent is Overrated: https://www.amazon.com/Talent-Overrated-Separates-World-Class-Performers/dp/1591842948
How to Find a Good Teacher: https://youtu.be/xXR_o0V6ShI
Hello everyone,
Today I want to talk about parenting a child who is a musician.
Some of you know a bit about me already but for those of you who don’t, I not only grew up learning the violin/viola but I also taught for many years. Now, I am now a parent of two children who play instruments as well. Because of my background as a musician and teacher and a parent, I have a somewhat unique position to understand every facet of stringed instrument education.
Today, I want to talk about my basic philosophy of how to successfully raise a child to play a musical instrument.
A few things to mention before I start the vid:
1. Every kid is different, so what works for my kids may not work as well for your kids. However, as a parent and a teacher for many years, I’ve seen a very consistent pattern and similarities with successful parents and I’ll talk about those today.
2. Talent plays a very small part in a child’s ability to play an instrument. Successful kids are created because of dedicated teachers, extremely patient and attentive parents and students who put a lot of time in to learning their instrument. There are no shortcuts.
Ok, so how do you define success? My personal definition of having successful musical children can be defined by 3 goals that I made for myself.
GOAL 1. I wanted my kids to be able to appreciate music/arts for the rest of their lives.
GOAL 2. I wanted them to reach a high enough level of skill that they could use this skill in any way they wanted when they got older. The idea is for them to have as many doors open as possible. Professional musician, be in a group for fun, use it for college scholarships etc.
GOAL 3. My final goal was to make sure that my efforts didn’t do the exact opposite of the previous goals. I wanted to makes sure that my efforts didn’t make them hate music and hate their parents!
So, how to accomplish those goals?
1. You have to find a teacher that is positive but still holds your child to high standards. This can be hard to find. I created a video about how to find a great teacher and I recommend you watch it. The link is right here: https://youtu.be/xXR_o0V6ShI The short of it is, find a teacher that has a proven track record and/or a professional background.
2. You have to make sure that learning the instrument is positive as soon as possible. Negative reinforcement works but only temporarily. If you use guilt or punishment, it may work when the kids are young but as soon as they are old enough to rebel, they probably will and everything about the instrument, including your relationship will be poisoned.
How do you keep it positive?
1. People enjoy what they are good at. A person will automatically gravitate towards the instrument once their skill level enables them to make recognizable music. Other positive aspects of music that they can enjoy are recitals, auditions, competitions etc. They will receive recognition from peers and adults alike. It will give them a sense of accomplishment.
2. Play with other kids. Get them in a group. Peer to peer bonding. They will see that other kids do it and will make friends.
How to obtain skill? PRACTICE
1. CONSISTENT practice is the most important aspect of their early musical journey to obtain skill. Develop routine.
Children like routine. Consistency is the key. Practicing is a routine, just as brushing their teeth, getting dressed and eating breakfast. I always say that missing a day of practice is ok, but never miss two days in a row. 5 days per week is probably fine. You don’t want to put the instrument on a pedestal as this giant gorilla in the house that they have to slay every day. Keep it light. If they “forget” to practice, you can say things like, “are you being silly? You want to watch YouTube but you haven’t practiced yet?” The kid might say, I’m really tired today or something else. You can make a deal with them to put more time in the next day or you can say “that’s fine. Just do your warm up then and play a bit more tomorrow”. Chances are, once they get their instrument out and have warmed up, they’ll end up practicing more than they intended and you’ll still be able to get more out of them the next day.
2. Once a certain level of skill is accomplished and they can play with others and playing their instrument has become a part of their identity, then they will be self motivating. Usually this occurs between the ages of 11 and 15. It really depends on the kid. But once the foundation has been laid, then the most difficult part on your side is done.
Hope this helps!
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