There is so much chatter about why men are unable to feel and express our emotions. And so many misconceptions about what happens for us. The reality is that men feel a huge array of sensations. Science has even shown that we experience feelings more intensely than women, but we often do not feel safe, nor have the place to share our feelings. We do not typically feel like there is someone who will really hear our vulnerable emotions without some negative reaction.
Us, like you women, feel a lot of doubts about whether or not we are good enough. It is simply part of being human in our current society. There are also fears about our relationship and about our ability to be successful in the world. It is all extremely uncomfortable to acknowledge, feel and express.
But given a safe person with whom to open up, we will happily pour out our hearts. As a couples therapist, I can not tell you how many men I have worked with where their partner said he is incapable of being in touch with his feelings. But once he feels safe with me, a whole world of complexity opens up. It is often shocking for the woman to hear what is actually happening inside of their partners heads and hearts.
So how can we as men and women create a place where it is safe for men's feelings to come out, and at the same time create a space where it is safe for the women's feelings to really be heard? Often the reality is, as much as you women want to hear our feelings, it is quite hard for them to hear what we actually have to say. Just like it is hard for us to hear their feelings.
What’s so Hard about Supporting your Partner?
When we are attached to somebody and thus identified with them, it is very hard to be there for their emotional intensity. With a friend it is quite easy to support them in their doubt, fear and anger. Their struggles don’t directly affect us so we can more easily be compassionate. When it is our partner, it means a lot more to us. If they are upset or insecure, it can make us feel upset and insecure. Given how life can be so overwhelming, we want our partners to be calm, happy and stable. When they are not happy, most of us have a reaction to try to stop them from feeling bad so we will stop feeling bad.
More at http://www.fullfrontalfatherhood.com/mens-emotions-dont-share/
